A JohnKat Christmas
by Amaranth Rencor
Summary: Slight AU. The kids and trolls share a Secret Santa party! Whose name does Karkat pull? What will he do when he finds out? Angst abound, with a dash of humour! John/Karkat pairing, Karkat central. Pardon any OOCness. T for swearing.


"No."

"Aw, come on, Karkat! I didn't even get to explain what it was yet!"

The shorter growled and shot a glare at the other.

"You don't need to. All you had to say was, 'Everyone will be there'. That's reason enough for me to reject. Don't even get me started on how 'everyone' includes you."

"But Karkat…" John whined, sounding exasperated.

"Is there some part of 'no' that isn't getting through that impossibly thick think pan of yours, Egbert, or is it just bouncing around in all the fucking empty space without actually becoming a coherent word?"Karkat grumbled, glaring straight ahead and ignoring the bespectacled boy to the best of his abilities. Though it was rather hard, considering John was but a foot from his face, about an entire body length too damn close for the troll's liking.

He knew that if he looked over, those gogdamned blue eyes would suck him in and he would just drown in their depths until he gave into their owner's whim. It frustrated Karkat to no end that he couldn't figure out how John was the only one who could to that and he couldn't put his finger on why, exactly.

All the same, he found his neck winding to the side to meet John's gaze, which was, as expected, completely irritating, and full of that exact look that he _knew_ he could manipulate just about anyone with.

John knew he had won as soon as he saw his friend's head begin to turn. He knew no one could resist the puppy dog eyes. He hated using them. It was pretty pathetic and he was fully aware of it. But this had been an emergency! So his dignity could just take a vacation for the day.

When he could make eye contact with Karkat, the lanky teen gave him a bucktoothed grin and launched into the explanation he had been cut off from.

"Anyways, like I was saying, it's going to be a big party where everyone exchanges gifts and stuff! It'll be fun! Give it a chance, Karkat, Christmas here on Earth is a really cool time once you get into the spirit."

Karkat snorted, still a bit startled by the steam that rose. He wasn't used to being outside, much less in this weird cold weather. His hands and tips of his ears stung and his nose always ran. It was such a gigantic pain in the ass to be here. Why the hell did he even bother?

Tugging his hat further down over his head, he relented none too graciously.

"If it will shut you up then fine, I'll go. But in case you weren't aware, we aren't made of money. Close to twenty people is an awful fucking lot of hassle." There, maybe that would discourage this stupid idea and that would be the end of it.

Apparently though, this was not the case.

"Oh no! We don't buy gifts for _everyone_! We'll do a secret Santa sort of thing," John explained, flailing as he slid on a patch of black ice. He awkwardly managed to latch onto a streetlamp pole to keep himself upright.

"Stop being such a fucking klutz, you dimwit. And what the fuck is a 'secret Santa'?"

"Oh, just another one of our dumb human traditions. We put everyone's name in a hat and pull one out and the person you pull is who you buy a gift for," he continued, bending down to gather a mitt-ful of snow, shaping it as he went along and lobbing it at some tree, missing spectacularly, much to the dismay of one party and the amusement of the other.

"Well… I guess it isn't so bad then… " the troll admitted, wondering just who everyone would get and what.

"Good," John sighed as he grabbed the doorknob to his home and twisted it open. "Because everyone else is already here."

* * *

><p>Never mind that his opinion had really been null and void, Karkat was now subject to the torment from the rest of their group. He sat in a foul mood as names were written and put into a hat. He seethed as it was passed around, each person smirking devilishly or sighing with disappointment as they read their recipient, trying to avoid eye contact with everyone so they wouldn't give it away. It was completely infuriating. As the hat came to rest with him, he pulled the final name but refused to look at it, despite the coaxing from Nepeta and Jade who had taken to sitting on either side of him as the deed was done.<p>

It wasn't like he was going to get someone he wanted. Not that he was saying he was hoping for anyone in particular. He didn't care. Whoever the name was, it had better be someone easy to buy for.

_Oh, please let it be John…_

Wait, _what_? What in the name of all things holy and sacred had just dribbled forth from the darkest, unused corners of his mind? Had that actually been a real, honest wish? Oh, gog, why… No, he thought, it was like reverse psychology, he hoped it was anyone _but_ the stupid boy. In fact, maybe he had even pulled his own name. How easy would that be? He'd buy a one-way ticket out of this clusterfuck and call it a success.

"Okay everyone!" John clapped his hands, bringing all the excited chatter about gifts and ideas and "Oh I'm not even telling you"s to a stop.

"Now to keep everything fair, we've decided on a cap at twenty dollars," he continued, bringing a rather rumpled bill out and snapping it for effect.

There were many nods, but a few huffs.

Whatever, Karkat thought. He'd just go spend his twenty dollars on something cheesy and look at the paper the day of the exchange to write the name on it and what that person got was what they got. There. Problem solved.

"We'd better get going! Christmas eve is in two days, " Jade exclaimed, stuffing her paper into her pocket.

"Yeah, so..?" Karkat grumbled. Like he gave a shit.

Nepeta piped up, "Duh! Weren't you paying attention? Geeze! That's the party day."

Karkat just grunted and put his own slip of paper into his pocket. He definitely didn't care at all. This was just some stupid earth holiday. Why everyone was so hyped over it was driving him up the wall.

"Hey, sunshine, you aren't even going to see who you're going to be disappointing?" Dave inquired in his usual cool tone as he wound his way over to him

"Fuck you, Strider. It doesn't even matter. It's just some stupid cheap gift," the troll sneered right back, curling his lip at the blond.

Dave sighed and shook his head, peering at Karkat over the rims of his ever-present sunglasses. "It's the thought that counts, not the money you spend, shit for brains. Not that I'd expect a troll to know what that's like, much less you. Just pull the stick out of your ass for one day. No one will hold it against you that you weren't a total asshole for a few hours, okay?"

When he got no other response than a glare, Dave shrugged and moved on, making conversation with John about the party and snacks and things Karkat didn't deem inherently important to the here and now.

Everyone began to file out of the house, either murmuring under their breath or totally wrapped up in thought, while Karkat just sat there sulking. When everyone else had left, John approached him. Couldn't that brainless idiot see he wanted to be left alone? How dare he approach with such ease and assume that he was most welcome to pester the disgruntled teen sat hunched on the floor like he was. Had he no fear? No sense? Was he looking to get a new orifice ripped open?

Karkat struggled not to grind his teeth, but felt whatever unreasonable anger he held quickly dissipate as John spoke. How did he do that..?

"Karkat, aren't you even going to see who you've got?" He questioned softly, at least keeping a respectful distance.

"I could care less," he spat, glaring at John's feet.

Those socked feet shifted weight from one to the other and he heard a sigh. "Well, alright. Listen, I've got to get going, too, so…"

"Yeah yeah, I hear you, you want me gone. I'm gone. Like the wind. Happily. I was so sick and tired of this fucking train wreck waiting to happen."

He stood, bundled back up and left without so much as an acknowledgement to his host's farewell. He was too focused on hating everything. He knew somewhere in the back of his mind it wasn't even justified to be so angry about nothing, but he didn't care. there were strange feelings afoot and the hate chased them away, or at least held them at bay.

He wandered around in the cold for a while until his thighs became uncomfortably numb and started to throb and he was sniffing every spare breath he got. With a defeated sigh, he took refuge in the nearest enclosed space which happened to be the mall in the city. This was ironic. Not the kind of ironic that dick Strider was into so much, but ironic all the same.

Walking across the parking lot, he decided it was as good a time as any to pull out the scrap of paper and find out once and for all just who it was. He dug into his pockets and clumsily fished it out. A strong gust of wind managed to pry it from his gloved fingers and it fluttered away in the breeze.

Loosing a string of profanities, Karkat swiped at it, missing and groaning with mounting frustration as the wind stole it higher.

He was suddenly in a panic. He _needed_ to get that paper. Something important was on it: the satisfaction to his unadmittedly ravenous curiosity.

Getting a bit of a running start garnered him a few extra inches in his jump and he managed to close his fist around the slip at last.

He had a smug grin of triumph painted on his face, letting it pull up the corners of his mouth enough to reveal the better part of his sharp-toothed overbite as he turned his prize over.

_John._

It was scribed neither messily nor neatly and had a slight slant to it, almost as if it was taunting him. In that moment, Karkat felt himself torn in two. One half was in the deepest, blackest throes of rage imaginable and the other was elated to shameful heights.

He scowled bitterly for just a moment, considering that the windy thing had somehow been a sign. Or something. Or maybe more painful irony. Whatever.

So his curiosity had been sated. It was John he was buying for. Well fan-fucking-tastic.

Spanning the few other rows left in the lot, Karkat pushed the heavy doors to the mall open and suppressed most of a gag when he was fully inside.

The air was thick with the sweet smell of mint and ginger from every food stand the food court had to offer and his ears were saturated with warbling holiday music. He hurriedly left the cloud of festive sounds an smells, opting to head for the large fountain on the ground floor. It drowned out everything, which was what he needed at the moment. Unexpectedly, he now had to put some meaning into the gift he was supposed to buy.

He sat on the concrete edge of the fountain and watched throngs of people ebb ad flow from store to store. He just didn't get it… Why did they do it? Gifts were gifts. Maybe a lot of humans were materialistic bastards. If that was the truth, what could a meagre twenty dollars buy?

…The thought that counts, yeah right.

Frowning, Karkat thought more seriously. Well maybe there was truth in that, at least in John's case. But really, if he didn't know it was Karkat giving him the gift, he could do whatever he wanted and the thought behind it wouldn't matter. Even some stupid stuffed animal with "I love you" stitched onto a plush heard in neat scrip- wait where was his mind even _going_? This damn atmosphere was really starting to wear him out.

No, he thought grudgingly thought, he would put effort into this. He could tell John after, if that's what everyone else was doing, of course.

With a grudging sigh, he stood and made a hard turn into a department store to his left.

This was going to be a challenge…

* * *

><p>He was about ready to flip all the display tables in the entire mall. It would have been a complete waste of energy, but since Karkat had already expended twice the amount looking for something that didn't exist, he figured "why the hell not?"<p>

He settled for a deep growl, and dropped the sweater he had been examining unceremoniously back onto its pile.

Yesterday he had spent the remainder of the mall's shopping hours, which had even been extended due to the holiday gift hunt, scouring store after store for something he thought was a suitable present without luck.

He had long given up trying to figure out why he was trying to hard. The reasoning tired him out too much.

It was December the twenty-third and most wares were scarce now, but Karkat, in a last ditch effort, returned to the store he had first gone into and reassessed the items.

On one of the tables lay a discarded blue heap of fabric that certainly didn't belong to the collection of trousers laid out on the table.

He walked over skeptically. What was he even hoping for?

Picking the article up, he found it was one of those long, thin wrap-around things humans donned on their necks to keep the cold out. A… A scarf? Yes that was it, a scarf. Sky blue and accented with shockingly bright yellow tassels, it had John written all over it.

He rubbed the cloth between his fingers and was surprised at how soft and warm it was.

Deciding to try it on, he awkwardly slung it around his neck, miffed to discover how incredibly long it was. The damned thing practically touched the floor! He was sure if he hadn't wrapped it twice around his neck that the tassels would most certainly be brushing the ground. Humans and their clothing… It rarely made any sense to the troll, who removed the scarf and doubled it up so it wouldn't get dirty.

Still, this seemed like the sort of thing that John would go for… maybe.. He didn't know, he was just so tried of searching and this was the closest thing he could find to being 'right'.

As if by some miracle, he found the price to be within his budget and sighed with relief. He was done. This would be John's gift. And if he knew what was good for him, he would love it to pieces or _be_ in pieces.

He headed to the checkout counter and gruffly shoved his money to the cashier who gave him a strange look before ringing him though.

The kids had warned all of the trolls about how strange they would look to Earth people, aliens as they were. Most, though, had passed it off as strange children in costumes. Karkat had observed much stranger inhabitants of this blue planet even in John's city and figured as far as 'outlandish' to these humans went, he was certainly on the lower end of the scale.

"Happy holidays," the cashier girl chirped, a little unsettled by the impatient looks she had been getting from her patron. Karkat just snorted in response, grabbing his change and purchase and leaving.

As he walked he was thinking about tomorrow. How John would react and if he'd like it. If he'd know Karkat was the one who gave it, what he would do then…

He wondered whose name John had pulled. Was it his?

A hot blush creeped onto his cheeks and he shook his head to clear his thoughts.

What did it matter? It probably wasn't him anyhow. Well he'd find out tomorrow, wouldn't he?

The anticipation was going to eat at him all night and he knew it…

* * *

><p>Karkat had arrived at the party at John's a little late, but it seemed a few people still had to make it. He huffed and made his way to the tall spiny tree decorated with obscene amounts of coloured balls and lights in the corner of the living room. He dropped his box beside the others that were already there. Scrunching his nose at the quality of his wrapping compared to most of the others he felt his mood dampen.<p>

"Karkat?"

The troll jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder, whipping around to give its owner what for.

A silly bucktoothed grin met his snarl, which faded quickly.

"What, Egbert?" he snapped.

John just laughed softly. He was rarely if ever phased by his friend's rudeness and outbursts. It was just one of the quirks he carried with him, and really, he kind of liked it, because he knew it was mostly a front, and he was aware Karkat knew this and hated it. It only made it more fun.

"Welcome to the party, man! Normally we knock before entering someone else's house so that the host can greet you at the door and know you're here."

Karkat swallowed thickly and rolled his eyes to mask his embarrassment, swatting John's hand off him and walking away.

"Yeah, whatever… Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Hey, come on, everyone's in the kitchen for now," the taller teen said, gesturing to the doorway.

Karkat followed slowly, shoving his hands into his pockets.

All the human kids were there, Dave was caught in between Terezi and Jade, being forced to try sweets the two girls had made for him and Rose was chatting it up with Kanaya over by the window. John was trying to keep Eridan and Sollux apart as the former was consistently trying to coax the latter into blackrom-tinted conversation, which just wasn't to be had.

Equius and Nepeta were apparently around somewhere, but had slipped away from the group. Feferi, Aradia and Vriska were having drinks and watching as Dave tried to slip away from the two girls who were still forcing confection after confection upon him. Karkat almost felt sorry for him. Almost, but not quite.

There was another knock at the door and John pushed through the group to answer it. Gamzee and Tavros had finally arrived, covered in snow. The taller troll explained that they had been walking up a hill and he'd been entranced by some lights display in a store and sort of let Tavros and his wheelchair go, which had led to a manic chase down the streets. It thankfully hadn't ended with anything more than a sudden acquaintance with a large snow drift and a terror-stricken Tavros.

John called everyone into the living room, announcing that it was time for presents. Each took the parcel with their name on it and sat in a circle.

Karkat had kind of wanted to sit close to John, but those spots had been quickly been filled by Vriska and Rose and in the end he had wound up on the other side of the circle.

Each person took their turn opening their gift, but Karkat wasn't really paying that much attention. He would occasionally snap out of his daze because of a high pitched, joyous squeal or bout of laugher, but he was strangely wrapped up in this feeling that blanketed the entire atmosphere.

This strange, warm feeling permeated the air around them, forcing grins onto everyone's faces. Everyone's but Karkat's.

His gift turned out to be a nice set of headphones, which got him to give a small, thankful smile as he tried them on, finding they fit him quite well, even blocking out the noise from the rest of the group. Yes, these were great. None of the group seemed to give away who had given what to whom so Karkat had no idea where exactly he was supposed to direct his gratitude.

Finally it was John's turn to open his gift. He tore at the wrapping, balling it up neatly before taking the lid off the box it had covered. His expression didn't really change when he saw the scarf, more so when he lifted it out.

Grinning and laughing as he continued to pull one end out the box. He stood and wrapped it around his neck, still giggling lightly.

"Man, this this is so long! What am I even going to do with it?" He mused, pulling both sides above his head a bit. "I swear I could even hang myself!"

Most of the group chuckled, probably more at John's feigned dead face than his morbid exclamation. Everyone found it relatively humorous in some fashion. Everyone but Karkat.

The troll found himself overrun with emotions and swiftly got up, bolting from the room and out of the house. No one called his name. Or maybe he just hadn't cared enough to hear if they did.

He slammed the door behind him and sat heavily on the stoop.

All his worrying.. All his effort… It was thrown out the window into some bottomless abyss.

How could he have been so stupid to think John would have liked the scarf? Of course it was completely ridiculous. There was an obvious reason Karkat had passed it over the first time he had been in the store.

He felt… Crushed. His mind seethed at him for admitting it, but he didn't care. His feelings had been stomped on by the one person he felt anything towards. Yes, he finally had finished that thought. That stupid idiot human meant something to him and even though he couldn't yet place _ what_ he figured it had to be something big to be so hurt by this.

Oh no… Not now. Not fucking here.

Karkat brought his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them, hugging them tight as if it would somehow ease the sting in his eyes and chest. He felt the hot liquid leak out of his eyes despite the fact they were screwed tightly shut.. Tears had an odd way of doing that.

A couple slid down his cheeks, leaving pale red streaks on his grey cheeks that quickly turned cold in the frigid night air.

He wasn't sure how long he had sat there, if it were seconds, minutes or hours, but it couldn't have been terribly long, since he still had feeling in his fingers and ear tips. Or maybe he was still burning from anger and embarrassment.

Karkat heard the door squeal open and click shut, but didn't even budge.

A familiar sigh made his stomach turn over in shame.

He felt a presence take a seat beside him and pulled his legs closer to hide his face. Maybe if he squeezed hard enough he'd be so small he'd disappear. No, that was silly…

"Karkat…?" John called quietly.

"The fuck do you even want?" the addressed hissed venomously.

Out of the corner of his peripheral vision, he noted a flinch. He wasn't sure if he felt guilty or justified in being the one who caused it.

"Karkat are you okay?.. Will you look at me, please? It's hard to talk to someone who's closed off like that…"

John was using such a soft, gentle tone, Karkat found himself unfurling and sitting more openly, albeit stiffly. Almighty Jegus, how could he do that so easily?

"Are you alright? You just ran off suddenly- Oh my god, Karkat!" John gasped, jumping back and covering his mouth, eyes wide with shock.

The troll finally looked at him. "What?"

John extended a finger to point at his face. "A-are you _bleeding_? Did you do something to your eyes? Holy crap..!" Suddenly, after recoiling, the boy leaned closer, reaching out to touch the red streak down the left side of Karkat's face.

A deep red blush rose to the grey-skinned teen's cheeks and he slapped the hand away, snarling.

"No you fucking idiot! I-I was…!" Whoah, close one.

John cocked an eyebrow, waiting for an answer. And if Karkat didn't answer him of his own accord he would be made to, and he wasn't about to lose anymore of his dignity than necessary to already lost that night.

"… I was…" he faltered again and tried a different, more indirect approach, turning his gaze to the road. "A troll's blood is sort of the same colour as some of their… other fluids… Like.. tears…"

John gave a small nod of understanding and turned to stare across the street, letting the silence bear down on both of them for a bit.

" Hey, Karkat…?"

No answer.

".. Was the scarf from you..?" John inquired, twisting the ends of his in his hands.

Karkat took his time responding with a curt nod, feeling a lump swell in his throat.

"I, um… What I said was really insensitive… I was only joking around I really do like the scarf. It's very warm. Reminds me of my God tier outfit, too," he continued, smiling just a bit.

Karkat was sure it was just pity or some other disgusting human emotion, but it helped him feel just a tiny bit less shitty.

"Whatever, Egbert. What you do with it is your business. Here, if you need help hanging yourself, there's your tree, let's get to it," the troll groused, having finally wiped his face and giving an empty look to the boy across from him.

John gave a small chuckle and shook his head. "You're still not used to sarcasm are you? It was a joke. I didn't mean that at all."

"Well I might be an alien to you but even we know there's a time and place for such idiotic antics and that wouldn't fall under any such instance."

John frowned and looked down at his hands in his lap. "Yeah, I know… I'm really sorry, Karkat. Really, really sorry. You know what? I've been really needing a good scarf for a while. None of them cover my neck and nose and still go down my coat right. This'll keep me toasty warm for sure. It's great, thanks!"

Karkat didn't even need to look over to know that stupid grin was all over his face again.

"I bet I can ever share it with someone. Here-"

Before the shorter teen had time to react, John had already scooted closer and thrown the blue fabric over Karkat's neck and brought it around again. He frowned angrily and opened his mouth to make a snippy comment but it stuck in his throat somehow.

The raven-haired boy was sort of reasonably far away from him, meaning two hands worth of space remained between their hips. Considering this was John and the boy had little understanding of personal space at times (especially Karkat's personal space practically _ all_ the time), this was decent.

The scarf was holding them close like some sort of irritating third-wheel and Karkat was pretty sure he didn't need it to keep the heat around his neck as he ruffled his hair to keep most of the growing red on his cheeks out of John's view.

Turning his head just slightly and looking at the unruly black tresses, John found himself needing to explain. His voice was a bit shaky.

"I just thought you looked kind of cold sitting there."

When he was met with more silence, he changed topics.

"I was kind of sad when I pulled out Nepeta's name. I knew exactly what to get her right away, but I was hoping for someone else's name…"

Karkat just snorted.

"I was hoping for yours, " John added as if it were the most normal thing in the world. The boy beside him twitched a bit, out of what, John couldn't tell.

"I really couldn't think of what I would have gotten you anyhow, but wouldn't it have been cool if we had pulled each other's names? Oh, yeah and, I guess I'll give it to you now…"

Exasperated, the troll finally turned to John, a rather tired look taking residence in his features.

The boy retrieved something from his pocket and held his fist out to Karkat. When the hint wasn't taken, John took the closest hand and deposited the contents of his own into its palm.

Karkat squawked at the gesture at first, but held his hand closer to his face afterwards, furrowing his brow at the small metal chain and charm in his hand.

"Jewelery?" he asked gruffly.

"Yeah. Well sorta. Not the girly kind," the lanky teen extended an arm to scratch the back of his neck, seemingly a bit embarrassed.

Karkat cocked his head to the side, trying to make out just what the charm was, deciding in the end to hold both ends of the chain and let it hang. It was the symbol that he had branded on his shirts; cancer.

When he didn't receive a further response from the troll, John launched into the history behind it, if only to break the silence that he found suddenly suffocating.

"Yeah, we, uh… That is, Dave and me, melted down one of his bro's shitty swords. He was making some stuff and I asked if he could help me with something. So we made that thing. I-I know it's all bent and battered and unprofessional and uneven and…" the boy trailed off, depressing himself. Why had he ever thought this would be a good idea? "You can just… throw it away…"

Karkat finally spoke up, eyes still trained on the necklace, but turning to slightly face John.

"… It's red," he stated bluntly.

"Oh," John squeaked and cleared his throat. "Terezi told me before that you like red."

The other snarled. "I hate it."

The words sliced into the boy like a hot knife into his heart. He looked away, trying not to show his dejection and most likely failing miserably.

Karkat saw the other shrink away and mentally slapped himself. Gee, why didn't he just walk around with both feet in his mouth, like humans were apt to say in these sorts of situations.

"N-no, John, I didn't mean your gift. It's actually not the worst shade of red I've ever seen. And it's not bad, for a beat up piece of metal..."

Fuck, could he get _any more_ pathetic? What was he even doing, back-pedalling like he was?… But he hated to see anything but a smile on that dorky face of John's, and he'd be damned if he would be the one to take it away. Fumbling with the clasp to the chain, he strung it around his neck and struggled blindly trying to get the damned thing on.

At the mention of his name, John turned to his friend, face a mixture of shock and confusion, but quickly shook it out and reached for the troll's hands.

"Here, let me help you. It's not the easiest thing to do by yourself," he offered.

Though accepted and knowing the contact was coming, Karkat jumped to feel his hands touched and quickly moved them away once John had a hold of his necklace.

"There," he announced, backing off and giving Karkat a half smile. "Done."

Receiving a sigh in response, John turned his attention to the night sky, or rather, what was falling from its inky darkness.

"… It's snowing," he murmured simply, though as if it was the most amazing thing in the world.

Karkat just snorted as one of the cold flakes landed on his nose, melting after a moment. "No shit. As it does annually during your human time of the celebratory massing of this human Chris? The wriggling day of your Jegus gog?"

John couldn't help but crack up. He tried to cover his mouth with his hands to muffle the sound, but it didn't do much. Karkat shot him a heated glare. What was so fucking funny? He'd tried to read up on the stupid customs, but fuck it had been boring. If he'd learned much, almost all of it was forgotten now.

"I think you mean Christmas, Karkat. And yeah. It's Christmas eve tonight, and normally it does snow, here at least. But that wasn't what I was getting at…" John explained when he had sobered up, holding his hand out in front of him and turning his palm skyward to catch the falling flakes.

"Christmas is a great time. It makes everyone happier, and nicer. The snow always seemed to bring in that serene peacefulness that got people in the mood…" he continued, watching his hand collect the snow.

"The world is so quiet when it snows. Something about physics, Rose told me. I just think it covers up everything and gives it a fresh start. Things, places… And people, too."

He was off in his own little world of memories.

Karkat had only been half listening to his speech. A fresh start, huh? Maybe he should go lay out under the snow for a few hours...

"I think you're happier, too."

The troll's head snapped up. "What?"

John shrugged. "I think that you're happier, too. You're normally guarded and angry, but right now, you're calm."

"And it's totally not a bad thing," he added when Karkat was about to make some snippy retort. "Even if it's just today, just for a few hours, or even minutes. I like it."

With a small shiver, he retracted his hand and blew into it, his breath steaming in the night air and billowing away.

Karkat noticed and spoke up, "You should head inside before you turn into one of your Earth icicles."

John gave him a look before chuckling softly. "But aren't you cold, too? Your shirt is thinner than mine."

Humans and their ignorance. There was no end to it, the troll thought and rolled his eyes.

"Our skin is thicker. We aren't as fragile a species."

With the way the two were, there was no way Karkat was remotely cold, and it wasn't because of that ridiculous scarf. Wrapped up in his thoughts, he didn't notice the thin fingers reaching out to him until they were on his face.

He grabbed the hand in reflex, seething at its owner.

"What the fuck, Egbert?" He shouted and then looked at the hand. "… You're as cold as this damn stone, get your sorry wriggler ass inside before you catch sick and everyone thinks it's my fault."

John wasn't listening. He was fixated on their hands.

"… You really are warm. Really warm… Wow."

Karkat swore bitterly and immediately dropped the hand, turning his face to the sky to watch the rain of white specks in hopes more would land on it and perhaps cool the heat that rose to his cheeks. He blinked rapidly as a few fell on his eyelashes, clinging to them, and noticed a sprig of green dangling from the light above them.

With a startled cry, he made to move away, but it was too late, and the scarf held them fast together.

Out of all the shitty things he could have remembered about humans and holiday customs, he had to remember _this_?

John was startled and jerked back, sending his thick-rimmed glasses slightly askew. "Jesus, Karkat, what is it?" he asked, looking between the troll and the sky confusedly.

Karkat just sent him a glare. How dare he be so ignorant? Was it not so incredibly, painfully obvious?

"That plant," he grumbled quietly so his voice stayed even, hiking his shoulders up as if to make himself smaller.

The taller boy looked up and examined what the other had referred to. "..Yeah. That's a plant alright. Very indicative of the season.." What was so bad about it? Was it like buckets? John didn't understand.

"Well?" the troll hissed, looking anxiously over at John. He wasn't about to start this. No fucking way was he about to start this. It was _John's_ plant and _John's_ stupid fucking traditions so _John_ could start this. But he had better do it quick before Karkat just snapped and left.

"Gog_dammit_, Egbert, I am _trying_ to be culturally fucking sensitive! Could you at least do me the courtesy of not having to make me make the first fucking move?"

Karkat leaned in a bit. There. He had helped. Honestly, these fucking humans…

John put up his hands in defence and moved back. He was genuinely lost. " K-Karkat, I honestly don't get it, what are you even…?"

That was it. Patience gone.

Grumbling something underneath his breath, Karkat grabbed the other's face and forced it against his own, kissing him.

It was brief, but it felt like forever.

John's lips were so cold against his own… Yet they were soft.

The foreign feeling sent electric chills through his body and he quickly backed away.

The troll faced the other teen still, but adverted his gaze, still catching John's expression out of the corner of his eye. He just sat there, frozen, lips slightly parted and eyes as wide as dinner plates.

After what seemed like an eternity, he cleared his throat and pointed up, speaking with a soft, sheepish voice.

"That.. That's uh… H-holly, Karkat," John explained, gently tugging the scarf up his face, not that it could cover the red on the highest part of his cheekbones, nor his ears.

Oh shit, oh fuck, no. Why did he feel like he had somehow misinterpreted the situation? He swore on his ancestors that if John was pulling a prank he would personally gut the boy.

"…What..?" he asked weakly.

"Holly… it's just a decorative plant… It doesn't mean anything. People are supposed to kiss under _mistletoe_, and that has _white_ berries. Those are… red."

John seemed to shrink further away as he finished speaking, readying for the coming outburst.

Karkat just boiled over. All his mortification and fury seared though his veins and he couldn't be around that stupid joy and his stupid earth traditions any longer. Abruptly, he stood, only to be yanked back down by the infuriating blue noose that held them together. Karkat really wished he could hang himself with it.

He spluttered a string of profanities a mile long and disentangled himself from the accursed article, throwing it at John before storming inside to get his coat.

Searching roughly through the closet, throwing other coats across the room, Karkat finally managed to extract his own but hadn't even got an arm in when an all too familiar blue scarf met his vision as he spun around to the exit.

"Karkat, wait! Just wait a second!" John pleaded as he continuously blocked the other's path of escape. he was met with a frustrated shove. He knew the rest of their company was gathering behind them a ways, watching the scene, but he couldn't' care less.

"No! Fuck you, Egbert! All you've done is make a fucking _fool_ of me!" Karkat bellowed, making his own ears ring. "Go take a long walk off a short pier, fuckass!"

He found his arms gripped solidly by John and simply decided it would be easier to shove him towards the door. He would drag the dumb ass down the fucking street around his ankles if need be.

This was going nowhere fast, though.

He could feel fourteen pairs of eyes and ears boring into his back and whipped around to snarl viciously at them.

They… They were _smiling_? Did they find his rage amusing?

"What the fuck are you nooksniffers gawking at?"

Nepeta giggled with Jade, a few of the others smirking while Rose just gestured up with a flick of her eyes.

Karkat looked up.

"Oh, for… I'm not falling for that! I wasn't hatched yesterday! It's just fucking holly," he hissed, trying to wrench his jacket out of John's grip.

"Actually," John piped up, finding it in him the audacity to speak at such a time. "That would be mistletoe…"

Karkat turned back to him with a deadpan look. He didn't know what else there was to be said in this moment. His face just screamed "you can't be serious".

The group behind them whistled and hollered, other cat calls being downed out and all the troll could do was maintain eye contact with the boy that kept leaning closer to him to convey a shallow, false hatred from utter loss of face that he felt so sharply at that moment. It almost overpowered that feeling he refused to admit to himself existed.

"Oh come on, Karkat. You said you wanted to be culturally sensitive, " John reminded him, looking at him through those entirely too-big-for-his-face glasses that slipped down his nose.

Karkat sneered and leaned away.

"Fuck that shit."

This didn't deter the boy in the slightest; he only wrapped an arm around thin shoulders to keep the other from moving away again.

Dammit how did John always manage to ensnare him like he did? He wasn't going down without one last quip.

"John Egbert, " he warned with a threatening tone, or his best imitation of one, since the wavering in his voice probably wasn't very scary. "If you want to keep those lips of yours, you will back the fuck up. Right. Now."

"They're all yours, Karkat," John whispered so only the troll would hear as he met his lips with the other's.

Karkat had been too shocked by the statement to do a thing. He stood there, eyes wide with shock as his sluggish brain tried to process everything. He was sure he looked just as dopey as the irritating boy had mere minutes before.

Once the contact was broken, Karkat just blinked and slumped against the taller teen, utterly deflated.

He had nothing else to say. The rest of the night, he was almost personable with the rest of the party, still in a daze.

* * *

><p>John stood outside with the last member to be on his way, wishing that he could just stay.<p>

Karkat was fiddling with the zipper on his coat, trying to get it to zip up all the way so he wouldn't freeze on his way back to the transportalizer. He gave up with a sigh and just stared up at the waxing moon that had finally broken through the clouds, bathing them in its light.

"I had a good time," John said, breaking the silence.

Karkat nodded in agreement. " Me too…"

They were quiet for a few more agonizing minutes, neither one of them really wanting to depart.

Again, John spoke, making the troll jump a bit.

"I was kind of thinking this would come first, but life's funny that way…" he murmured, rocking back and forth on his feet, finding sudden interest in his scarf tassels. "If you hadn't guessed, I like you, Karkat."

He received no response. The troll didn't even move.

Damn this was awkward.

"Merry Christmas, " he offered quietly, looking over to the shorter boy, not turning his head.

Karkat just reached out and grabbed the hand that was worrying the yellow strands of fabric on the scarf, stilling it and threading his fingers between the human's without ever wavering his vision from the drift of snow that had built up at the end of John's driveway.

"… Merry Christmas, John."

**A/N:** Let me apologize for the formatting. When I uploaded the file it was literally a 7061 word block. So I'm not really sure if this was hard on the eyes eheheh... That aside, I did post this on DeviatArt, however, I felt the whole of FanFiction would appreciate it better.

I do not have anyone to read through my stories (and we don't always catch all our own mistakes), and being as this was mostly typed in the wee hours of the morning, you may find errors. Please point them out to me. I'll fix them straight away~


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